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Thursday, June 10, 2010

Football is Brilliant! As is the Queen.



So my World Cup wallchart is up and I'm ready to dazzle you all with my amazing Mystic Meg-like predictions. GASP as I predict who'll win. SIGH as a further four years of hurt for team En-ger-land. GUFFAW as they all turn out to be hopelessly inaccurate. I'll review the predictions at each turning point of the tournament, not that any of them are likely to be wrong or anything.

NOTE: That's pretty much all the humour used up in this post, and I use the term sparingly. If you're not a football fan, you can pretty much stop reading now. In fact, even if you ARE a football fan, I'd probably stop here. It's quite dull.

GRRRRROUP STAGES:

A Winner: France
A Runner Up: Uruguay

B Winner: Argentina
B Runner Up: Nigeria

C Winner: En-ger-land
C Runner Up: USA! USA! USA!

D Winner: Germany
D Runner Up: Serbia

E Winner: Holland
E Runner Up: Denmark

F Winner: Italy
F Runner Up: Paraguay

G Winner: Brazil
G Runner Up: Portugal

H Winner: Spain
H Runner Up: Chile

So far, so dull. Now it's onto the Second Round:

Holland beats Paraguay
Brazil beats Chile
France beats Nigeria
England beats Serbia
Germany beats USA! USA! USA!
Argentina beats Uruguay
Italy beats Denmark
Spain beats Portugal

Still with me? No? Just me, is it? Well never mind. Here's the Quarter Finals:

Brazil beats Holland
En-ger-land beats France (hurrah!)
Argentina beats Germany (who to cheer for?)
Spain beats Italy (sorry Taf)

Now it's time for the Semis (hur hur)
Brazil beats En-ger-land (Noooo!)
Argentina beats Spain (controversial!)

And finally, literally, it's the Final:

Argentina beats Brazil.

So there you have it. Even with Diego's coke-fuelled moobs in control, the Argies are still going to take home the World Cup. Unless Spain walk it, of course. And this incredible goal from Diego Silva shows why they're most people's tournament favourites. It's tippy tappy interplay that would even give Arsene Wenger an erection.

1 comment:

tafkass said...

A fairly good set of predictions (which will ultimately be wrong, because predictions always are.) You're clearly right to dismiss Italy - in fact, I'd be surprised if they make it as far as the quarters. I fancy those little South Koreans to cause an upset - and I'm not talking about (insert eating dog at a restaurant joke here). Also, the USA are very workmanlike - and dirty as hell, as Eng-GUR-Land will find to their cost tomorrow.