A (crap) Joke about Football

David Beckham is returning to England to speak at Alan Ball's wake. Being a dead ball specialist he is seen as the perfect man for the job.

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For those on email update, visit www.chezguevara.com to watch the video.

Lifestyle of the Rich and Shameless

...is hopefully what I will soon be living! I've decided to start trying to get my novel published. So today I sent off a letter to an agent (the same guy who represented Yartel Mann, the author of Life of Pi), asking if he'd like to represent me. I thought I'd start at the top, and you may be looking at (or reading the blog of, at least) the next Booker Prize winner.

If anyone would like to read the book, let me know. All feedback is welcome. As are any offers of nepotism regarding agents, publishers etc!

A joke about Fatherhood

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave to him and says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her so he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids".

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says,"No, I'm your son's math teacher."

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Jade Goody's had triplets...

Have you ever been this drunk?

Oh Bloody Fuck and Bugger.

And big dogs' cocks to boot. Yes, you've guessed it. Girl of my dreams has dumped me (again). Won't go into too much detail here, needless to say I'm feeling pretty down about it all. It had been a rather magical 2 months together, and it was all going so well. And yet I'm down, but not out... Normal service will soon be resumed, just as soon as I feel like being cheerful.

As luck would have it, though, my friend Anna is coming back from the Turks & Caicos this weekend, and she'll be here for the next week or so. I suspect there'll be a lot of unnecessary drunkenness. And next weekend, my old uni friend Susan is coming down to sunny Plymouth, so that will be fun too. Bugger and arse, though. Honestly, sometimes I simply despair.

With a Name like that, what else was he going to do?

The expert at the World Health Organisation, who is recommending circumcision as a means to combatting AIDS is called... Doctor de Cock.