You can't polish a turd, but you can rub it in Glitter

Yes alright, it's perhaps not a particularly appropriate or fitting headline for a fictional documentary on capital punishment, but I thought 'The Execution of Gary Glitter' was both thought-provoking and very well written. Most of the characters were believable and Hilton McRae was simply excellent as the man himself.

I also think the decision to make it as a documentary was rather inspired - and thought the writers were careful not to take sides. There was no question of it being a vehicle to ram home their own opinions, and neither side was portrayed as right or wrong. The death penalty is without doubt a moral quagmire - and the whole point of the show was to question our own attitudes to it. Indeed, it has put the topic of capital punishment firmly back in the public spotlight for the first time in years.

I think there is no more emotive subject than child rape - and on that basis, it is hard to argue for human rights for anyone that carries out such an abhorrent crime. I don't have children, but I do have nephews - and if that happened to any of them, my initial reaction would certainly be that I want to kill the person who did it. But would I? If it actually came to it? Would I actually take another person's life?

And I have to say, the honest answer is no, I wouldn't. Right at the end - if it really came to it, I wouldn't. Oh don't get me wrong, I would want them to pay for what they'd done. But, at the end of the day, I am not a monster. And I feel that if we play by the same rules as the evil we're trying to fight, then eventually we become what it is we are trying to overcome.

Ghandi once said "There are many causes that I am prepared to die for, but no causes that I am prepared to kill for".

It's not that these monsters deserve to live - it's just that we mustn't descend to their level. You don't fight evil with evil.

Offensive Advertising

Just heard possibly the most offensive advertising I've ever heard. I was watching UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship), which features mixed martial arts bouts. It's a great mixture of thai kickboxing, jujitsu, boxing, wrestling and other martial arts.

But it's sponsored from time to time by Badger John's Hunting Stuff. And their advertising slogan on the programme is "Badger John's - because sometimes you just have to kill something".

No. I. Don't.

The (Big) Daddy of Wrestling

Regular readers may know that I do enjoy a bit of wrestling. I think it dates back to when I was a kid and my nanna used to take us to the wrestling when it was on at the Ipswich Corn Exchange. Many a fun few hours spent watching the likes of Rollerball Rocco, Giant Haystacks and of course, Big Daddy.

The WWE can get a bit Team America, but even so, it's great entertainment. For those that haven't seen it, it's like a homoerotic pantomime with oiled bodybuilders in leather Y-fronts. And it's even more fun watching the ridiculously patriotic USA-USA-USA crowd get remarkably worked up over what is fundamentally a rather vigorous dance routine.

But I digress. TNA Wrestling is the poor man's brother to WWE and, as such, it feels it has to be twice as extreme as WWE to be thought of as half as good. I caught some of TNA Destination X tonight, and to be honest, I've never seen anything so surreal and weird in all my life.

It started off with Curry Man and Shark Boy in a Fish Market Street Fight. Curry Man and Shark Boy are both Japanese 'super' heroes, who repeatedly beat their opponents in the groin with frozen fish. Very strange indeed. I don't know why it was set in a fish market; maybe something to do with sharks eating fish? All very lateral and really rather disconcerting.









Then there was a Stand By Your Man Leather Strap match. Where basically, two men fought and the loser would allow his baloon-breasted female partner to be thrashed with a leather strap ten times. And they actually did it too. I'm sure the BDSM crowd loved it, but I've never seen a girl thrashed on prime time family TV.

They're just about to start another match, an Elevation X match. A free-floating giant 'X', which hangs 30 feet above the ring. First one to fall off is the loser.

And they haven't even got to the main event yet. How will they top this? Perhaps they'll have an Anal Sex Cucumber match or maybe a Donkey Derby Candyfloss match.

Surely that's cheating...

Regular readers of White Spirit will know that I sometimes have a beef with advertising. Things that really get my goat are false claims, like for example, claiming that a particular product will give your hair 85% more colour. Surely everything has got as much colour as it can possibly have? My hair will not get any more colour, no matter what I do; it might change from deeper or lighter shades, but it's not going to get more colour.

But what's really irritating me at the moment are the adverts for mascara. I know I'm never going to use them; but they show Kate Moss and various other models with these spider leg eyelashes. The product is meant to show that you can get lashes like that - but one advert says in tiny writing that they are using eyelash inserts and another advert says 'enhanced in post production'.

Am I the only one that batters an eyelid at this obvious cheating?

Celebrity Shenanigans

Saw these two magazines next to each other in my local newsagents and just thought it was quite funny. Is there a magazine for people that don't give a shit who dumped who?

Return of the Boosh

Just watched the first episode in the third series of the Mighty Boosh. And Shit was right, it was a bit darker and perhaps not as funny as the first two series. Could it be that I've been so excited about the new series, that it was never going to be as good? I have to say, I'm not sure about Naboo's shop as the setting - I feel it may be a little restrictive. But there were some episodes that I thought were not as good in the first two series, and perhaps this will turn out to be one of those...

It wasn't terrible; there were still a few moments that made me laugh, most notably the Moon:

"People say if you look at the Moon for too long, it sends you mad. Well, Patrick Moore has been looking at me for years, and yesterday I saw him take a shit on a salad."

It could be that they are victims of their own success. The first two series were so good, this series has been one of the most eagerly anticipated return that I can remember. Let's hope that it builds up and gets better and better. And I'm delighted to hear that Bob Fossil will be making a return this series.

The Mighty Boosh - Clips

For those that have never seen the Mighty Boosh, here are a couple of clips from the first series.

THE HITCHER (entire episode)


THE SPIRIT OF JAZZ (outtake from ELECTRO)

For those that receive the email update, click here to watch the videos.

"A Journey through Time and Space..."

I am so excited. Today (Friday) on BBC3 at 11:30 pm, The Mighty Boosh return for their much awaited third series. I am ever thankful to the venerable Shit Sandwich for introducing me to the Boosh. As I introduced him to It Bites and Sisters of Mercy, we're probably just about even.

I don't think I've seen a comedy as inventive as the Boosh, perhaps since Monty Python. The Boosh's surreal humour is often compared to Python, but the two are very different in many ways. The Mighty Boosh isn't really gag comedy - and there are not that many laugh out loud moments. But there's just an energy about it, that makes it simply irresistible.

For those that haven't seen the Boosh in action, I would thoroughly recommend watching it. The first episode I watched, I was slightly flummoxed; it took a couple of episodes to get onto their wavelength. But it's definitely worth it.

Damn!

I've been watching WWE wrestling recently. A lot of people condemn wrestling, and in some cases rightly so. The prevalence of steroids and other drugs in the 'sport' has lead to many tragic consequences. The number of wrestlers that have died before the age of 65 is simply shocking, none more so than the shocking events concerning Chris Benoit, who murdered his wife and child before killing himself.

Another frequent accusation is that it's fixed, and can really not be considered a sport. And I would completely agree with that. Indeed, WWE stands for World Wrestling Entertainment. Anyone wanting to watch people really kicking the shit out of each other should watch boxing, UFC or cage fighting. Wrestling is purely and simply about entertainment and offers some truly great comic moments. For those of you that don't believe me, watch the following clip from this week's WWE Raw, featuring 'Hacksaw' Jim Duggan and England's own William Regal.

Modern Toss Part 2

Oops. It appears the website won't let you bookmark individual episodes, and just takes you to the main site for TV links. Which is a great site in itself, by the way, if you're into watching TV progs on the internet for nowt. To find the Modern Toss section, look under 'M', click on 'Modern Toss' and all the episodes are there. Go on, it's well worth it.

Modern Toss

I've found a link on t'internet, where you can watch whole episodes of the quite brilliant Modern Toss. Quite simply, the funniest animation show I've seen in a long time, featuring a whole host of characters. My personal favourites are Monsieur Tourette, the master signwriter and Barney, although their short skits from Accident & Emergency are quite brilliant too.

Here are the links:

Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5

Monsieur Tourette

From [Adult Swim]'s Modern Toss.

Spirited Away

Today at 5:15pm BBC2 are showing 'Spirited Away', far and away the best animated film I've ever seen. Produced by the legendary Hayao Miyazaki of Team Ghiblink, it won an Oscar for best animated feature in 2003. It really is the most beautiful film you'll ever see. There are no computer animated graphics, all the animation is hand-painted.

The story centres around a young girl who is moving home with her parents. They get lost on the way to their new house and end up stumbling into the spirit world, a world ruled by gods, witches, and monsters. Her parents are changed into pigs and she has to work out a way to rescue her parents and get back home...

You've never seen a film like this. I urge you, if you haven't already seen it to stop whatever you're doing at quarter past five this afternoon and watch it. And set your videos. You'll definitely want to watch it again and again.

Adult Swim

Adult Swim is a great program on Bravo late at night. Not a grumbleflick, but a series of fantastic 'adult-orientated' cartoons. I saw it for the first time the other night and it really made me laugh. Some of it is a bit hit and miss, but some of it is absolutely brilliant.

They had a great cartoon with a young girl asleep in her bedroom. The toothfairy flies in and removes the tooth from under her pillow. At that point, in another room, you hear her parents arguing and the little girl wakes up. She stares at the toothfairy and the toothfairy stares at her, as they both listen to the little girl's parents fighting.

A shot rings out and the mother is suddenly quiet... The toothfairy and the little girl look at each other again... the toothfairy then goes out and the little girl listens alone to the sound of fighting again. Another shot is fired and the father is suddenly quiet...

The camera never leaves the little girl's bedroom. She listens to the toothfairy get taken away by the police and is left all on her own in her bedroom for about 15 seconds.

The a marching band comes in and give the girl a certificate - "Congratulations! That was the darkest sketch ever shown!"

Absolutely brilliant. There's also Aqua Teen Hunger Force, which has nothing to do with water, teens or Hunger Force. Just a sketch with a milkshake, a meatwad and some chips. Well worth a watch, rather than that 'Make a Play' shite on ITV.

Quick thought...

Bearing in mind that tobacco grows naturally, does a cigarette count as one of your 5 portions of fruit and veg?

Stolen from The Late Edition on BBC4 - saw it for the first time tonight and really is rather good. Well worth a watch, if anyone hasn't seen it!

That's one way to end your career

I never watched Seinfeld. But Michael Richards, who played the eccentric Cosmo Kramer doesn't appear to ever want to work again after a recent appearance at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. It appears two guys, both African-American, were in the cheap seats playfully heckling Richards when suddenly, the 'comedian' lost it...

Get Well Soon, Hamster...

Q. What do elton john and richard hammond have in common?
A. Both have skid marks on their helmets.

Bad taste, but one I think he'd laugh at.

I really, really hope that Wee Richard Hammond is alright. I like him a lot. At least he's out of intensive care - it remains to be seen whether he will make a full recovery. I really hope that he does. Top Gear will not be the same without him. Anyone know if he actually got the record?

Stephen Fry: The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive

Watched the Stephen Fry documentary on Manic Depression last night, and thought it was excellent. I didn't know until I heard about this series that he suffered from it. But hats off to him for making such a fascinating and informative documentary.

Up until recently, I only had a vague notion as to what bipolar disorder actually is, even though I have since realised that I lived with a (sadly undiagnosed) bipolar girlfriend for nearly 4 years. It was in many ways the best years of my life; it was simultaneously the worst years of my life. I wonder how different things would have been if I'd known then what I know now. When she was good, it was like walking with angels. When she was bad, it was like living with Satan.

But that's why programs like this are so important. We both thought she was just highly strung, whereas clearly she was seriously in need of help. At least once she had a full psychotic breakdown. And I am sad to say, I just simply didn't recognise it as a mental health issue. Yes, I was there for her. But I didn't realise that it was medical help she needed, rather than me trying to 'be there' 20 hours a day solid.

If I'd understood... Perhaps if I'd been more aware of what was going on... Perhaps if she'd been diagnosed... It might have made things easier to deal with for both of us. It took me years to get over her when she left.

I haven't seen her for about 7 or 8 years. I still sometimes wonder where she is, what she's up to. Last time I saw her, she was covered in bruises. Her new boyfriend was beating her up. She was returning some of the things she had stolen from me. She'd left me with debts, to the point where I was forced to live in a camper van by Putney Bridge. And yet still I felt sorry for her.

I guess I let her take advantage of me because somehow I had an intuitive feeling that despite everything it wasn't really her fault... And it turned out that it sort of wasn't. I hope that she got diagnosed. I hope that she got the help she needed. And I hope that this program educates people - sufferers and non-sufferers alike - about Manic Depression.

Throw another Barb in the Shrimpie

I hear that Jimmy Nail has been booked to sing Crocodile Shoes at Steve Irwin's funeral. Sting was Steve's favourite, but was considered inappropriate.

Yes, all the inevitable jokes are starting to appear about Steve Irwin. Some people are getting very uptight about it, and some people find them funny. I personally think he would find it all quite funny, I know I certainly would. In fact, I think I will put it in my will that there will be a prize for the best joke at my funeral.

I must say, when I go I don't want any pomp and circumstance. I'd rather not have hymns and all that bollocks. In fact, thinking about it, I'm going to plan my funeral. I think it would be good fun to work out which songs you'll play, what messages you'll give and all that. Yup. It would be the ultimate blog!

Crikey Flaming Galah and all that.

Was quite surprised to hear that Aussie loon Steve Irwin has died. I half thought it was a joke, but amazingly it turned out to be true. I quite liked him. In many ways it's a miracle something like this didn't happen before. He was pretty unique in his 'poke something incredibly dangerous and probably poisonous with a large stick whilst talking very loudly' type way.

There was a great quote in the Guardian:

"It is most likely that Irwin would have preferred to have been killed by a saltwater crocodile, his favourite creature, but he would, nevertheless, have relished telling an audience about the creature which killed him, the stingray."

I think perhaps given a choice he would have preferred to have died peacefully in his sleep at the ripe old age of 90, rather than being ripped apart by a 5 metre long treetrunk with teeth. Or maybe that's just me.

And the saddest thing of all, it could all have been avoided if he'd been wearing sun tan lotion. Then he would have been protected against harmful rays.