Eurovision 2010

Just had a top night watching this year's Eurovision Song Contest. The competition was pretty good this year - no outstanding entries, but solid, I thought. Highlights of the night were the Greeks with their mixture of butch tribalness and Belarus' beautiful butterfly costumes. It was won by the Germans, so next year's competition will take place in Germany. I haven't been back to Germany since I lived there - If it's possible to get tickets, I might seriously think about going along - it's on my list of things to do before I die. (Quite low down, though). Anyhoo, here are some pictures - only two of us went in fancy dress (well done Ruth!), I had to explain my efforts to the younger ones (I went as Uncle Bulgaria, in case you're wondering). Fortunately, nobody seems to have taken a picture of my grey furry chaps.

Irony that Alanis Morrisette would have been proud of

Whilst looking at news of the sad demise of Michael Jackson, I saw a link advertising limited tickets to his upcoming tour. In retrospect, I wonder if he wishes he'd chosen a better slogan.

I am an East Anglian Boy

Thomsta's local spin on Kanye and Estelle's 'American boy'.

Oh Lordi... It's Eurovision!

First event to take place for the 100 Club is going to be a EUROVISION SONG CONTEST PARTY, to take place on Sunday 25th May.

Sadly, I am going to a charity ball on the Saturday night, so it won't be live. But I will record it and run the party the following night. (Don't spoil it by watching it the night before - you will ruin the *ahem* magic).

There will be a sweepstake between all those that participate and whoever wins can add the total raised to their 100 Club target. All money raised goes to the Plymouth Samaritans.

Tickets to the sweepstake cost £5 each and there are 25 countries taking part this year. If we can find 25 people, each willing to pay to £5 to take part, that will raise £125. Your country will be chosen at random, from a hat.

If you are sadly unable to make the party, you can still take part - £5 buys you a sweepstake ticket!

Camper than Graham Norton in a tent, watching the annual Shirley Bassey impersonation competition on TV (held on a campsite), can you afford to miss Terry get progressively more drunk and raucous on (nearly) live TV? Can you afford to miss the German entry? Will the UK win (or get any votes)? Will Norway get 'null points' again? Will you manage to get through the night without biting off your own ears?

The party will take place at my house (please email / phone for details) just round the corner from the Thistle pub and will start at 7:30pm.

Bring your own drink - you'll probably need it. I will provide nibbles and ear plugs on request.

Please let me know ASAP as to whether you would like to attend / buy a sweepstake ticket.

Fuck My Hat! I Never Knew That!

I thought Soft Cell did the original. But apparently it was Gloria Jones in 1964.

Axe-wielding Maniac

This will be me soon!
















I've signed up for a guitar course. It's been many years since I committed any acts of aural atrocity. Oh, how my parents loved my impromptu violin concerts at home, listening to me belt out such classics as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and London's Burning. It really did sound like nails down a blackboard. Tuneful nails, mind. But still nails.

But I always wished I'd chosen the guitar instead, so I've finally taken the plunge, bought myself a half-decent guitar and I'm ready to go. Obviously I've some way to go before I find myself at Shit's level, but then we all have to aspire to something.

* 10 Spirit points go to whichever reader can tell me who the mystery guitarist is. And no, it isn't that bloke from The Darkness.

Lanhyd-ROCK!

Went to my first festival of the Summer on Saturday at Lanhydrock in Cornwall. Only a one-dayer, but a truly beautiful location. Couple of local bands to start off with, highlight of which were the Wire Daisies, followed by an African band called Zambuca or something. I'm not really into African music and I swear they just played the same song 15 times.

Then came crusty rockers The Levellers, who were good for a laugh. But the highlight for me was seeing the legendary Wailers (as in Bob Marley and the...), who were simply magnificent. We were lucky with the weather and I shall certainly be going back next year.

Here are a couple of photos!

And the Word Was...

Went to see Genesis at the weekend with my parents. My mum told someone she was going to see Genesis and they replied: "What, the band?" - what a missed opportunity to reply with "No, the dawn of creation. I'm a Timelord." Although bizarrely, she did tell an old lady she was going to see Genesis and she did actually reply "What, from the Bible?".

And as an added bonus, I got to play with Freddie for the first time (my new camper van). The concert was in Twickenham, so I decided to spend the weekend up there. And the fluffy purple fur and bubble wrap I used to insulate the inside worked an absolute treat.

But the concert was absolutely brilliant. I was a little concerned that they would only play their more recent stuff, which is pretty crap - and there was a quite hilarious moment when the entire stadium sat down during a particularly poor rendition of Hold on my Heart and started talking amongst themselves. But things soon picked up after that, and there was a good mixture of old stuff and some really old stuff, which kept the crowd going. Highlights included a brilliant rendition of In The Cage, the Phil Collins / Chester Thompson drum duet and a surprising yet excellent techno version of Domino.

Genesis are probably my favourite band of all-time and it was great to finally see them live. I just wish they'd do a reunion tour with Peter Gabriel and Steve Hackett...

The boys in action.

My parents rocking it large.

Eurovision Lookeylikie

Spurred on by the Shit Sandwich's great lookeylikie of Marija Serifovic, the Serbian winner, behold my own attempt with Roland from Grange Hill. Which is best? You decide...

Eurofizzle Swizzle

As Snoop Dogg famously didn't say once. But yes, although this year's Eurovision Song contest (watched in the glorious company of the notorious B.I.G. Shit Sandwich) was not a vintage year, it still had its moments. Yes, Big Tel was a little subdued, but he didn't have much to go on. And the eventual winner was a total surprise. My money was on Bulgaria or Ukraine, but Serbia absolutely ran away with it. The only surprise with the UK entry was that anyone actually voted for it. The thing about choosing a song with double entendres is that you have to be an English speaker to get them.

But I can't help thinking that the voting was rigged to make sure that the bastard love child of Sue Pollard and Christopher Biggins didn't win. With Lordi winning it last year, if the Ukraine had won it, all future Eurovisions would have turned into a freak fest, seeing which country could out-weird the others. And the organisers still (incredibly) see it as a serious music competition, not the ubercamp car crash comedy that it really is. Best to let a heart-wrenching ballad win it, to make all the countries think twice about entering anything too weird next year.

The bastard love child of Christopher Biggins and Sue Pollard. With a bit of Nazi Teletubby thrown in. On acid.












Of course, I could be wrong... But there was an awful lot of block voting going on that simply didn't happen last year. I really thought that the televoting had done away with that. Although I'm not sure that all the countries were doing televoting this year - they certainly didn't mention it and they made a big deal about it last year. But as we've seen with all the recent telephone scandals, it wouldn't be hard. And I suspect that Lordi winning last year scared the living hell out of those in charge.

It just goes to show. Power to the people isn't always a good thing and I would hate to see Eurovision turn into a complete freak show. But I'd also hate to see 24 ballads with the compulsory modulation at the end. Perhaps last year's was simply a vintage year and this one was never going to compare. Next year we'll just have to wait and see. But let's hope that the UK actually comes up with a good song next year. It isn't political and it isn't just because of block voting. The songs from the UK have been poor for quite a few years now. Time that we put our undoubted musical talent to some good.

Off to the Good Shit Sandwich

The UK's 'entry' (insert own double entendre here).


Off to sunny Folkestone this weekend, to enjoy (abuse) the hospitality of Monsieur Merde Baguette. And it's Eurovision weekend! The UK entry is once again an embarrasment; they've tried to go for camp / funny and they're just trying waaaaaaaay too hard. We might get a few votes here and there, but we're not going to win it.

Last year's Eurovision was simply remarkable, possibly the best ever. I don't quite know how this year's Eurovision will compare. Will they try and outdo the quite insane Finnish entry, Lordi? Or will they revert back to being a (ahem) 'serious' music competition? We shall wait and see...

Although I do have to first convince Shit that it will be worth watching. I did try to convince him to have a Eurovision Party. To no avail. Am I alone in thinking that Eurovision is simply superb entertainment? Listening to Terry Wogan getting progressively more pissed... Pah! Heathens! The lot of you. My money's on Norway's Wig Wam (below)

Party Like it's 1983...

I've discovered a quite brilliant website for downloading music, www.albumbase.com. And I've spent the afternoon downloading old electro albums. I'm currently listening to Electro & Hip Hop Classics from about 1983 in the office. You just can't help doing robot dancing and lame breakdance attempts. As you can see from this photo I just got one of my colleagues to take. You never lose it completely...

The 'Smells Like White Spirit' Fantasy Festival

So you're Doctor Who (or perhaps Bill and Ted. Well, Bill or Ted. You get the drift) and you can go anywhere in time to create your ultimate fantasy festival. Who would you go for? Bear in mind you can pick who you want, when you want, so Genesis for me would be circa 1973 with Peter Gabriel as singer, for example.

Who would you choose? This is the poster for my fantasy festival... Click below to take part and maybe I'll lend you my time machine so you can set up your own...


Come to my Fantasy Festival
or create your own

Amateur Transplants

Adam Kay and Suman Biswas are two junior doctors who practice medicine with varying degrees of success. But more importantly, they are the masterminds that form the Amateur Transplants, the people that brought you the London Underground song.

But they have written some quite brilliant parodies, including Northern Birds and the quite magnificent Snippets, which literally had me rolling around on the floor laughing. Of particular interest to anyone working in the NHS! You can find more of their tracks on their website here.

Oh Lordi... It's Eurovision

You may be surprised to know that I am an avid fan of Eurovision, in fact every year I try to throw a Eurovision Party (usually on my own, funnily enough). I absolutely love it, it's just so damn crap, it's brilliant. The increasingly drunken ramblings of Terry Wogan, the terrible songs, the bizarre slots inbetween each country, then the excitement and tension of the final votes... I do truly love it. Especially since they've introduced televoting - it means that the public gets to choose rather than the corruption and bribery method that has been rife for years. Hence the fact that Finnish monster rockers Lordi won it in 2006 (and yes, I DID vote for them).

2006 was a truly vintage year for Eurovision, in fact it was the best I've possibly ever seen. And I actually cannot wait for Eurovision 2007. Every country that takes part will see that it was the most outrageous band that won, so I fully expect the bizarre-o-meter to go off the scale in 2007. Which is why I was not surprised to hear that ex-Smiths frontman Morrissey throw his name into the hat. Maybe he can do for Eurovision what Beckham will do for American Football. I mean soccer.

I can't wait. This year's Eurovision is on the 12th May 2007. If anyone would like to join me at my annual Eurovision Party, you are more than welcome. If we get enough taking part, I will run a sweepstake.

Pop Quiz

So, pop pickers... What was the best-selling album of the 1960's?

UPDATE:
I should perhaps have been clearer! I meant the best-selling album of the decade, so that would exclude any sales from the 70's onwards. And I should have said in the UK as well...

The best-selling album in the 1960's was the soundtrack to The Sound of Music. In the UK, it was at Nr 1 for 69 weeks from 1965 to 1968!

Dodgy Lyrics (or dodgy ears)

My car has a tape recorder and I only actually own three tapes, one of which is a tape of Libyan Belly Dancing music. But one of those tapes is Sisters of Mercy - First and Last and Always, one of the best albums of my childhoold. But one of the songs, No Time to Cry, seems to have Andrew Eldritch singing "No time for Latte", which isn't particularly goth, is it?

Reminds me of Madonna's Erotica, which sounds exactly as if she's singing 'Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, Put your hands all over my body." (See this video on Rathergood.com for proof).

Rathergood.com have got a couple of other funny dodgy lyric videos, including: Simply Red, Simply Red (again), the Beatles and Pavarotti.

Just when you thought it was safe...

Every time I've ever been to Brighton, I've seen Jordan. Everyone I've ever known that has been to Brighton has seen Jordan. Some celebrities shun the spotlight. Not Jordan. The last time I saw her in Brighton, she was pushing a pram down the high street, dressed entirely in pink leather. Am I the only person in Britain to think that Jordan is as rough as a three-quid handjob?

So I am not at all surprised to hear that Jordan and the thick as shit Peter Andre are releasing a record... Think that's bad? It's an album of love songs. And they are duets...

Do they really think that anyone is actually going to buy it for any other reason than as a joke Xmas present? Or perhaps with the same morbid curiosity that makes people stare at traffic accidents? I can't work them out. Do they really take themselves as seriously as they appear to? Or is just one ironic big wind-up...

One last thing... Did anyone see their duet on Children in Need? Think that was bad? Do you want to know what it sounded like BEFORE the sound engineers did their magic? Click here to hear it in its full glory. I'm warning you, this should have an 18 certificate.

The Girl is Mine...

Regular readers of White Spirit will have heard the quite fantastic Richard Cheese doing his unique swing rendition of Slipknot's People Equal Shit. That was hilarious in itself, but I have a new favourite Richard Cheese song. He has done a rendition of Michael Jackson's The Girl is Mine. A duet with a very, very special guest...

The Genius that is Richard Cheese

I was introduced to the genius that is Richard Cheese at the weekend by my cousin Zoe. Her blog is here. For those not in the know, he is a singer that reworks well-known songs in a vegas style. So, for example, here is his reworking of Slipknot's People Equal Shit. Absolutely brilliant.

By the way, when you click on the link, you'll be taken to a blank screen whilst it downloads.

There are more songs, including The Disturbed's Get Down With the Sickness and Cypress Hill's Insane in the Brain on his website here, or you can see his blog here.

Well worth a listen. Utter genius.