Can we fix it?

Don't Worry...

After a few worried communications about my mental state / consumption of mind-altering narcotics (and a very concerned conversation with my mother) I can reassure all my readers I am not on acid or having some sort of delusional breakdown.

A haiku is simply a Japanese poem. And the 'monstrous psychedelic bubble exploding in my mind' is actually the name of an album I've been listening to.

Glad to have cleared that up. Normal drug-fuelled madness will be resumed shortly.

Don't Panic...

What's the plural of Haiku?

My cock is so big
It's like an elephant's trunk.
How big is yours, then?

Britain's Got Talent.
I almost ripped my cock off.
Won't watch that again.

Poor Jim Magilton
He's been replaced by Roy Keane.
Shame, but he was shit.

Baby love

Just got home from visiting some friends with a new baby and they asked me if I wanted to wind it. I thought fucking hell that's a bit harsh, so I just gave it a dead leg instead.

Crap Made-up Topical Gag

I hear that the Policeman accused of being instrumental in the death of G20 demonstrator Ian Tomlinson has been signed up by Max Clifford for a West-End pantomime. Apparently the Policeman in question wasn't too keen until he heard they were going to do Aladdin.