Chez Guevara FM - the home of UK Psy Trance

Saturday, January 09, 2010

The Morning After the Night Before

Ahem. This morning I am feeling mildly sheepish about my nicotine withdrawal-fuelled emotional outpouring last night. There is always a moment when I stop smoking where I feel that I am going to fail and I am going to smoke. I feel that it is simply inevitable and I might as well just go out and buy cigarettes right now. And that's the point when you really do have to dig deep, to keep fighting even though you feel that you have a 0% chance of success. To keep fighting when all hope is lost really does require an enormous amount of mental strength.

Bizarrely, that's what non-smokers can never understand. Smokers are not all weak-willed, ill-disciplined idiots. The thing about stopping smoking is that you have to have willpower and strength and never, ever have a moment of weakness for the rest of your life. It's no good being strong for 364 days a year, but weak for 1 - that one day will make you fail. Can you, as a non-smoker, imagine being mentally and emotionally strong without one minute of weakness ALL THE TIME, FOREVER? No matter what? Heartbreak, bad news, stress, worry... Yes, it gets easier over time - but you always have to be on your guard and that does take real discipline and inner strength.

Fortunately I managed to get through that last night and this morning things are looking a lot more positive. I'm not out of the woods just yet, but I can certainly see more daylight. And I'm feeling better too.

Incidentally, I do have something to hold onto for this - I would like to do the Plymouth Half-Marathon this year (which is on May 31st) and to do this, I need to be fit. Last time I wasn't smoking (in Portugal) I managed to walk 15 miles, so theoretically it's not impossible... What do you think? Reckon I'll do it?


tafkass said...

Keep going, Chez - both the giving up and the melodramatic prose. (Seriously - good luck.)

Re. the half-marathon; of course you CAN do it, but do you WANT to? Running's an awful bore. Isn't there a Plymouth Table-Tennis Marathon or anything?

Anonymous said...

I really do think you can do it, you are one of the strongest and level-headed people I know. so ok sometimes you give in to a weakness but don't we all. If you say you are going to take part in the marathon then you will take part in the marathon. You rock x

Chez Guevara said...

Within a few days, once my brain is once more under my control, I will look back on this and wince a little.

Still, that's the benefit of having a blog - it's my blog and I'll cry and whine like a bitch if I want to.

PS Thank you anonymous! I am of course now frantically trying to work out who you are.

Hips Unhinged Ltd said...

I'm sure you can do it, Jamie - both the half-marathon and the giving up. And, of course, if you want any coaching, you know who to call - we all know how bloody brilliant at running I am.

Hips Unhinged Ltd said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hips Unhinged Ltd said...

Sorry, deleted post was mine - Parkinsons fingers today.

Not to rain on your parade or anything but I've just thought of something - isn't it going to be a little bit difficult to run when you've cut your own cock off?

"And if I ever end up smoking again, I will cut my own cock off."

Rick said...

I'm with Tafkass on the running, it's boring *and* painful. I don't need to practice it. I figure in a crowd I can run as fast as is necessary...

Good luck with the not-smoking. I've been going at it on and off myself for (it seems) a few years now. Believe me, I understand everything you're talking about!