So, if Gazza gets himself sectioned for wondering around a hotel with a pretend parrot, why hasn't Lenny Henry been sectioned for this toss?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Monday, February 04, 2008
Goodbye Fredzilla (final part)
Freddie was sold on EBay tonight for £999, which I think is a bit of a bargain. So it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to Fredzilla, but the guy who has bought him is going to live in him in Brighton, so he's clearly going to a great home. I wish him and his new dad all the best.
And as ever, the best thing to do after a split from a loved one is to rebound recklessly onto another relationship, so watch this space...
And as ever, the best thing to do after a split from a loved one is to rebound recklessly onto another relationship, so watch this space...
A Joke about Excuses
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect," her husband said." I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you."
"Perfect," her husband said." I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you."
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Goodbye Fredzilla (continued)
Fredzilla is now on EBay. If you would like to see how he gets on, click here: Fredzilla on EBay.
More photos below!
More photos below!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Changed since my day...
Heard on Radio 5 Live this morning that faith & private schools are 'creaming off the top pupils'. Things have changed since my days at public school. All I got were book tokens and a pat on the head.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Goodbye Fredzilla
So I've finally succumbed and bought myself a sensible car. Well, actually it isn't that sensible. But it's certainly more sensible than what I have been driving. Which was a Leyland Daf camper van, which I painted to look like Godzilla. His original name - Freddie, after Camp Freddie in The Italian Job - was morphed into Fredzilla after his extreme makeover (Big up to my nephew Jake for the name).
So now I am looking for a new home for Fredzilla. He's unique. He's reliable. He's got not one, but two (yes, two) double beds. Perfect for the kids, dogging or when the mindnumbing desperation of camping in the rain in England makes you bicker incessantly with your other half (who wanted to go to a Greek island, but oh no, we had to stay in England in this fucking van), so you end up sleeping in separate beds to the sound of melodramatic whimpering.
He's got a hob with gas! He's got elec-trickery! A table! Seatbelts, front and rear!A toilet! A solar panel! Cupboards! And a top notch (well, quite good) CD player! He's a 2.5 diesel and he's waiting for you... If you're really lucky, I might even throw in a stuffed penguin (Not a real one). He's done about 125k miles and he's got about 5 months MOT (I think) and 6 months tax.
He's been my main method of transport for about 8 months now and has never missed a beat. He's been all round Devon & Cornwall, I've driven him to Suffolk a couple of times without any problems.
And now for the pictures... I haven't taken any inside ones yet, but will do in the next couple of days. Ladeeees and Gennelmen, may I introduce you to Fredzilla. Yours for a grand.
So now I am looking for a new home for Fredzilla. He's unique. He's reliable. He's got not one, but two (yes, two) double beds. Perfect for the kids, dogging or when the mindnumbing desperation of camping in the rain in England makes you bicker incessantly with your other half (who wanted to go to a Greek island, but oh no, we had to stay in England in this fucking van), so you end up sleeping in separate beds to the sound of melodramatic whimpering.
He's got a hob with gas! He's got elec-trickery! A table! Seatbelts, front and rear!A toilet! A solar panel! Cupboards! And a top notch (well, quite good) CD player! He's a 2.5 diesel and he's waiting for you... If you're really lucky, I might even throw in a stuffed penguin (Not a real one). He's done about 125k miles and he's got about 5 months MOT (I think) and 6 months tax.
He's been my main method of transport for about 8 months now and has never missed a beat. He's been all round Devon & Cornwall, I've driven him to Suffolk a couple of times without any problems.
And now for the pictures... I haven't taken any inside ones yet, but will do in the next couple of days. Ladeeees and Gennelmen, may I introduce you to Fredzilla. Yours for a grand.
Bill Bailey's Kraftwerk Tribute
Absolute genius from Bill Bailey's Part Troll live show.
For those that get the email update, click here to watch the video.
For those that get the email update, click here to watch the video.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Top Sneer
There are some foreign phrases, for which we have no English equivalent. A classic example is the German Schadenfreude, which means literally 'joy of harm'. No, this isn't a reference to certain German films, involving chains and an unhealthy interest in bodily fluids; instead, it's kind of enjoyment you get from seeing someone fall over - for example, 'You've Been Framed' is pure undiluted Schadenfreude.
The Italians have a phrase which I have sadly forgotten. It's something like che shemo or something. Perhaps the venerable Tafkass, over at www.verypoor.co.uk will be able to illuminate me. It's loose translation is 'what an idiot', but it's used purely to describe someone that suffers in some way as a direct result of their own stupidity. The best example of this is probably the Darwin Awards.
I am sad to have forgotten that phrase, because it perfectly describes Jeremy Clarkson.
For those not familiar with his work, he's the rather brash British TV presenter of Top Gear. In his column in The Sun, he wrote about the recent Goverment scandal where the bank details of some 25 million people were sent out on a disc and lost by the Government. He stated that it was a storm in a teacup and that fraudsters could do very little with anyone's bank details. So confident was he, that he published his own bank details in the paper. He even gave readers hints as to how to find out his address.
"All you'll be able to do with them is put money into my account. Not take it out. Honestly, I've never known such a palaver about nothing" he told readers.
So, I found it hilarious when a reader set up a £500 monthly direct debit to Diabetes UK using the published details, forcing Clarkson into a humiliating climbdown:
"I opened my bank statement this morning to find out that someone has set up a direct debit which automatically takes £500 from my account" he said. "I was wrong and I have been punished for my mistake. Contrary to what I said at the time, we must go after the idiots who lost the discs and stick cocktail sticks in their eyes until they beg for mercy."
I actually don't mind Jeremy Clarkson - he can be quite funny and I think his brash, smug persona is all part of his comedy. However, I bet I'm not the only one to be thrilled that it happened to him.
The Italians have a phrase which I have sadly forgotten. It's something like che shemo or something. Perhaps the venerable Tafkass, over at www.verypoor.co.uk will be able to illuminate me. It's loose translation is 'what an idiot', but it's used purely to describe someone that suffers in some way as a direct result of their own stupidity. The best example of this is probably the Darwin Awards.
I am sad to have forgotten that phrase, because it perfectly describes Jeremy Clarkson.
For those not familiar with his work, he's the rather brash British TV presenter of Top Gear. In his column in The Sun, he wrote about the recent Goverment scandal where the bank details of some 25 million people were sent out on a disc and lost by the Government. He stated that it was a storm in a teacup and that fraudsters could do very little with anyone's bank details. So confident was he, that he published his own bank details in the paper. He even gave readers hints as to how to find out his address.
"All you'll be able to do with them is put money into my account. Not take it out. Honestly, I've never known such a palaver about nothing" he told readers.
So, I found it hilarious when a reader set up a £500 monthly direct debit to Diabetes UK using the published details, forcing Clarkson into a humiliating climbdown:
"I opened my bank statement this morning to find out that someone has set up a direct debit which automatically takes £500 from my account" he said. "I was wrong and I have been punished for my mistake. Contrary to what I said at the time, we must go after the idiots who lost the discs and stick cocktail sticks in their eyes until they beg for mercy."
I actually don't mind Jeremy Clarkson - he can be quite funny and I think his brash, smug persona is all part of his comedy. However, I bet I'm not the only one to be thrilled that it happened to him.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Deadliest Virus on the Planet
I had this virus on New Year's Eve... and was lucky to escape with my life.
For email viewers, click here to watch the video.
For email viewers, click here to watch the video.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Hardcore Morris Dancers
Possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen - I present you with the Hardcore Morris Dancers.
Friday, December 07, 2007
A Joke about the Canoe Man
John Darwin walked into a Police station this week, after being announced missing for the last five years. Although he has no memory of what happened in during that time, he says it's the last time he'll ever go on holiday with the McCanns.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Ghostly Car Advert
Strange but interesting. This is a car advertisement from Germany. When they finished filming the ad, the film editor noticed something moving along the side of the car, like a ghostly white mist. They found out that a person had been killed a year earlier in that exact same spot. The ad was never put on TV because of the unexplained ghostly phenomenon.
Watch the front end of the car as it clears the trees in the middle of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing in front of the car then following it along the road... Spooky!
Is it a ghost, or is it simply mist? You decide. If you listen to the ad, you'll even hear the cameraman whispering in the background about it near the end of the commercial. A little creepy but pretty cool!
Watch the front end of the car as it clears the trees in the middle of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing in front of the car then following it along the road... Spooky!
Is it a ghost, or is it simply mist? You decide. If you listen to the ad, you'll even hear the cameraman whispering in the background about it near the end of the commercial. A little creepy but pretty cool!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
