Eurofizzle Swizzle

As Snoop Dogg famously didn't say once. But yes, although this year's Eurovision Song contest (watched in the glorious company of the notorious B.I.G. Shit Sandwich) was not a vintage year, it still had its moments. Yes, Big Tel was a little subdued, but he didn't have much to go on. And the eventual winner was a total surprise. My money was on Bulgaria or Ukraine, but Serbia absolutely ran away with it. The only surprise with the UK entry was that anyone actually voted for it. The thing about choosing a song with double entendres is that you have to be an English speaker to get them.

But I can't help thinking that the voting was rigged to make sure that the bastard love child of Sue Pollard and Christopher Biggins didn't win. With Lordi winning it last year, if the Ukraine had won it, all future Eurovisions would have turned into a freak fest, seeing which country could out-weird the others. And the organisers still (incredibly) see it as a serious music competition, not the ubercamp car crash comedy that it really is. Best to let a heart-wrenching ballad win it, to make all the countries think twice about entering anything too weird next year.

The bastard love child of Christopher Biggins and Sue Pollard. With a bit of Nazi Teletubby thrown in. On acid.












Of course, I could be wrong... But there was an awful lot of block voting going on that simply didn't happen last year. I really thought that the televoting had done away with that. Although I'm not sure that all the countries were doing televoting this year - they certainly didn't mention it and they made a big deal about it last year. But as we've seen with all the recent telephone scandals, it wouldn't be hard. And I suspect that Lordi winning last year scared the living hell out of those in charge.

It just goes to show. Power to the people isn't always a good thing and I would hate to see Eurovision turn into a complete freak show. But I'd also hate to see 24 ballads with the compulsory modulation at the end. Perhaps last year's was simply a vintage year and this one was never going to compare. Next year we'll just have to wait and see. But let's hope that the UK actually comes up with a good song next year. It isn't political and it isn't just because of block voting. The songs from the UK have been poor for quite a few years now. Time that we put our undoubted musical talent to some good.