"Fuck off and leave us alone"At a hastily-arranged press conference, Barry Thomas, a spokesman for the NAMMJ said:
"Scooby Doo can fuck right off as far as I'm concerned. They seem to have some anti-mild-mannered janitor agenda. Yes, I'll grant you that Mr Tubbs is a member of the National Association of Mild-Mannered Janitors, but not all our members are psychopathic nutjobs who pretend to be ghosts or vampires or Democrats.
"I tell you, you don't know what it's like. Ever since Scooby Doo, whenever anything goes wrong, we're the first ones to be held under suspicion. Whenever there's a ghost threatening to close down an old cinema or a mummy running amok in an old abandoned house, it's always 'Oh, I bet the mild-mannered janitor's behind all this'.
"What about Hong Kong Phooey? He was a mild-mannered janitor, and yes, admittedly he also did lead a secret life, but he fought crime and he could walk on his fingers. It's discrimination, that's what it is. And I think the fact that Mr Tubbs chose to dress up as a black politician, has a delicious sense of irony.
"Most of our members do lead secret lives, but use it for the general good, like fighting crime as costumed vigilantes. But if they keep facing abuse from the public, and I can only see it getting worse in light of recent events, they'll probably end up telling you all to shove it up your arse. And then you'll be sorry."
In closing, Mr Thomas said he'd like five minutes with Scooby Doo and his virgin weirdo friends in a dark room, with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. "I'll shove those Scooby Snack dog biscuits so far up their arses, they'll be burping barks for a month" he added.
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