From time to time, I like to consider myself a bit of an inventor. Not perhaps in the Sir Joseph Swan* mould, but an inventor all the same. For example, only recently I had the idea of a bicycle helmet with ear flaps. You can't wear a hat when you're wearing a bicycle helmet and what are you supposed to do if your ears get cold? But I digress.
My new idea is Celebrity Cluedo. It's the same as regular Cluedo, but instead of Professor Plum and Miss Scarlet et al, you have celebrities in their place. Obviously you would need to change the methods and places - I can't think of any celebrity murders involving a candlestick, for example. But I think it could be quite fun.
Imagine, on Boxing Day, the family sits around the table for a good old game of Celebrity Cluedo. Who dunnit? Will it be Barrymore in the Swimming Pool with the dildo? Or perhaps Kate McCann in the bedroom with the sleeping tablets? Or maybe OJ Simpson in the hallway with the dagger? Or could it be Leslie Grantham in the car with the gun? Who knows? Maybe it will be Prince Phillip in the Parisian tunnel with the Fiat Uno?
I'm having problems with the last one. Best I can come up with is Lord Lucan with the blunt object in the study, but I'm sure that you, dear readers, can come up with someone in far worse taste.
* Sir Joseph Swan was the inventor of the lightbulb. No, it wasn't Thomas Edison, he stole the idea from Swan and took all the credit. Why should that matter? Well, Thomas Edison went on to set up General Electric, the second largest company in the world. And my girlfriend is Swan's great granddaughter. All that Swan has to show is that the University of Newcastle has just named a building after him. Frankly, I'd rather have had the cash.