Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Day 1...

Yup, today I have stopped smoking again. It was fucking tough this afternoon, there were countless times I had to fight the temptation to go to the shops and buy fags. But somehow I managed to resist the temptation and day one smoke-free is finished.

I hate stopping smoking. I am determined that this is the last time I have to do this. Tonight I didn't know what to do with myself, I didn't want to be with anyone but I also didn't want to be alone... I didn't know if I was going to burst into tears or into manic laughter. I've got so much energy built up in my muscles, I keep having to do Hulk-style muscle stretches...

And I can feel it searching for a weakness. I often think of my cigarette addiction as being a separate entity from me, like a monster that I have to face. This morning it fought on the old the enjoyment / pain battleground, one that I just about managed to win.

Since then, it's tried all sorts of different tactics to get me to smoke again and I'm resisting them all. I will not give in. Not this time. It's not easy this time - in the past it has been. But this time I think I need it to be hard, I need to feel the pain of it. I think that will be the only way I will not take it up again.

So, off to hide behind a giant packet of crisps for a couple of days. Wish me luck.

5 comments:

Rick said...

Be careful with the snacks, Chez. I'm starting to pork out a bit since laying off the smokes. I hope it's temporary, but in the New Year it looks like I'll have to start exercising. I don't like exercising...

Anonymous said...

Cigarettes can cause impotence. Surely that knowledge alone is enough to put you off them for life?

Anonymous said...

Well done! You have got over the first day, now you know it cannot win, its just a nasty smelly little weed thats going to try everything in its power to make you want it again but you are made of strong, gutsy stuff, You are a rebel, you wont let anyone or anything get the better of you. So keep going Chez, You can do it, we are all behind you. POWER TO THE NON SMOKER

Anonymous said...

Keep it up I know you can do it, just keep thinking of the positives

Anonymous said...

I don't know I go into hospital for a few days and find out the deadly weed has invaded your life yet again.
Take it from an oldun, keep up the good work and ban this monster from your life for good.