People with lockjaw can now meet online
I can't wait to have kids so that I can lie to them and convince them that all sorts of outrageous things are true. So that, like me, when they are 34, they can make a complete tit of themselves by innocently mentioning something that turns out to be utter bollocks.
I was 18 before I realised that leaving the car running does NOT actually produce more petrol. But yesterday, I was getting a bit of shiatsu from Helen and she was massaging the skin bit between my thumb and forefinger. I innocently remarked that if you cut that bit of skin, you immediately get lockjaw. Which, it turns out, isn't true.
I remember as a child being terrified of lockjaw, which is a crazy thing to be scared of. Scared that you would cut your hand and that your mouth would suddenly spring open, exactly like a bear trap doesn't.
On a side note, the meridian point between the finger and thumb is linked to the lower intestine. Does that mean, therefore, that if you cut the skin, you'll get lockarse?
Thursday, November 23, 2006
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My dad convinced me that he didn't actually like beer but the pubs wouldn't let him drink anything else. For about seven years, I used to say, "Look, Daddy, no one's watching - have a sip of my Coke."
Ever read 'Great Lies To Tell Small Kids'? My favourites include:
"It takes the brains and beaks of 4 real penguins to make one penguin biscuit."
"Milk feels pain."
"Wine makes Mummy clever."
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