Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Ghostly Car Advert

Strange but interesting. This is a car advertisement from Germany. When they finished filming the ad, the film editor noticed something moving along the side of the car, like a ghostly white mist. They found out that a person had been killed a year earlier in that exact same spot. The ad was never put on TV because of the unexplained ghostly phenomenon.

Watch the front end of the car as it clears the trees in the middle of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing in front of the car then following it along the road... Spooky!

Is it a ghost, or is it simply mist? You decide. If you listen to the ad, you'll even hear the cameraman whispering in the background about it near the end of the commercial. A little creepy but pretty cool!

A Joke about Little Tommy

Little Tommy goes into his parents' bedroom, catches them in the act and promptly runs away. His dad eventually goes to look for him and hears some familiar noises. Opening the door he sees his son on top of his grandmother, doing the business.

"What the hell are you doing?" he shouts

His son looks over his shoulder and says "Bit different when it’s your Mum, isn’t it?"

(from my Dad)

A Joke about England

Brian Barwick is out doing his shopping when he sees an old lady struggling with a couple of heavy carrier bags. "Can you manage?", he says. "I don't want the job!", she quickly replies.

Steve McLaren is going to the ball tonight dressed as a pumpkin; he's hoping he'll turn into a coach at some point.

(From Shit Sandwich)

A Joke about Jesus

An Irishman, a Scotsman and a Scouser are having a drink in the pub when a man walks in with a beard, long hair and sandals.

"Would you look at him?" says the Irishman "He looks just like Jesus!"

"Aye, you're right." says the Scotsman. "Let's buy him a drink."

They call over the landlord and order a pint for the newcomer. The landlord takes it over to the man, saying "here you go, mate. The lads over there have bought you a drink."

The man takes a sip of the drink and goes over to the three men to thank them for their generosity.

"I want to thank you for your generosity. You don't often see that in this day and age" says the man and he shakes the Irishman by the hand.

"Holy Mary, Mother of God!" exclaims the Irishman. "Me bad back! I've had it for years! It's completely gone! That's a miracle, to be sure!"

The man then shakes the Scotsman by the hand.

"Ach, God be praised!" says the Scotsman. "Mah bad knee! I've barely been able to walk on it and it's completely healed! Ach, that's a miracle!"

The man then goes to shake the Scouser's hand, but the Scouser recoils in horror, shouting:

"Don't touch me! I'm on disability!"

Somewhere Under the Rainbow

Went to the theatre the other night to watch Over the Rainbow, which is the life story of Eva Cassidy. I've always been a big fan of Eva Cassidy and the musical, although not brilliantly written, was a great opportunity to hear her music sung live. I was amazed to find out halfway through that the lead was being played by Faye Tozer from Steps, who was simply brilliant - her voice was remarkably similar to Eva's, which seems to suggest she was wasted in Steps.

We were late arriving in the first half, so we were forced to sit at the back. During the interval, we moved to our booked seats, which were only about three rows from the front. Most of the singers were pretty good, but the German-sounding lady playing Eva's mother was one of those annoying stage singers that seem to think that a singer is judged by their loudness. Each sung sentence would start off fairly quietly, but would end on a massive crescendo. Bearing in mind they were all using microphones, it must have been impossible for the sound man - she ranged from barely audible to ear-shatteringly loud.

And she caused me to have a nightmare at a very inopportune moment; Near the end of the show, Eva has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and they really milked it for tear value. There are plenty of scenes with her slumped in a wheelchair and her family and friends regularly breaking down in floods of tears. With Eva near to death, her mother breaks into a heart-wrenching solo, with much wailing and nashing of teeth. And halfway through, she belted out a line so loud that it made me involuntarily jump up in the air and exclaim "Urrgh!"

My girlfriend started giggling at my inappropriate reaction and it just set me off. I could not stop laughing. It was absolutely horrendous - I was getting very harsh looks from the extremely large skinhead I was sitting next to. There's nothing worse than having an uncontrollable laughing fit when you're not supposed to. I started sweating and getting really hot. Poor Faye was singing her farewell song from her deathbed / wheelchair and all I could do was laugh my head off, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't even leave, because I was in the middle of the row right at the front. It was one of the most uncomfortable experiences I've ever had.

I finally managed to pull it together and as soon as the lights came up, we made a hasty exit before anyone chose to voice their complaint. I'm never taking Helen to the theatre again, because it's clearly her fault.

Friday, November 23, 2007

I'll Get Me Croat

Well, poor Steve McClown has been kicked out as England manager. Do I feel sorry for him? Not really... Next Summer is going to be awful, and it's largely his fault. But in reality, he should never have been given the job. As a club manager his record was not particularly good. Getting Boro to a UEFA Cup Final is hardly the greatest achievement in the world. He was chosen as one of the few English managers that actually wanted the job. It will be interesting to see what happens now and who they go for.

When Sven was kicked out, I wanted Capello to be given the job. He's been successful wherever he's been, particularly in dealing with egos. However, his recent stint at Madrid has left his reputation somewhat tarnished. I am less keen this time round to see Capello as England boss.

I am certainly not keen to see Marcello Lippi in charge. Yes, he's a successful coach, but certainly not one I think would get the English playing to their strengths. He would be another Sven - his style is traditional Italian and that just doesn't suit us.

Mourinho... Hmm, I just don't know. Yes, he did bring success to Chelsea... But his team was fairly boring to watch. I don't know. I'd accept him as boss, but I wouldn't be particularly happy about it.

Martin O'Neill is my preferred choice, but he's already ruled himself out of the running. I don't know, England is in a dark place at the moment - the team is playing poorly, but the fans and media still believe they are capable of winning any tournament. Honestly, it's got to be one of the hardest jobs in world football.

And I was interested to see that England has been paired off with Croatia again for the World Cup qualifiers. To be honest, I think that the draw is fairly fortunate. Considering we were in the second seed pool, we could have drawn Italy, France or Holland to name but a few. I think with a better manager we have an excellent chance of qualifying for the World Cup. Indeed, the prospect of missing two major championships in a row is simply unthinkable.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Oh fuck.

That says it all, really. I'm off to do a Samaritans duty - I think somehow I'm going to be busy.


COME ON ENGLAND!! 2-2!!! What a cross from David Beckham! Oh my god, please blow the whistle now.

Yomph Mumph Mumph Umph Part 2

That's the sound of me regurgitating and then re-eating my words about Scott Carson. What a save that kid has just made. Aarrgh! I cannot watch this game... COME ON ENGLAND!!

Yomph Mumph Mumph Umph

That will be the sound of me eating my words about Scott Carson being a better keeper than Paul Robinson. Honestly, fifteen minutes into the match and already 2-0 down in a game we cannot afford to lose - who'd be an England fan?

Smells like Sex Wax

Got a big up from Cornish Surf Giant Beach Bum at Sex Wax Life's a Beach. I've never surfed, even though I lived in Newquay for a year. But it is something I will try at some point (honest). But if anyone is into surfing, particularly in England's most beautiful county, then I thoroughly recommend Beach Bum's site.

I think I'd make quite a good surfer. I've got silly hair and a camper van and everything. Although having swum in the sea in Cornwall, I'd have to have a full body wetsuit with shoes and hat and everything. I think I'd probably be more of a surf gimp.

Last Chance Saloon

It's the big match tonight... I didn't expect us to even have a chance at qualifying tonight, but the Israelis did us a massive favour at the weekend and our fate is now back in our own hands. I can't imagine us not qualifying - I remember USA '94 and it was terrible to watch a major tournament without England in it.

I'm pleased that McClown has finally dropped Paul Robinson, though. There are at least four keepers that are better than him in my opinion - Green, Carson, James and Kirkland to name but four. I've always felt that Robinson was massively overrated and a really lucky keeper. Now that his luck seems to have deserted him, he's been shown up time and time again.

But Crouch on his own upfront? I'm really not so sure about that. It's going to put a lot of pressure on the midfielders behind him, notably Lampard & Gerrard... But we'll see. I will of course be cheering my team on, as ever. But if we go out now, with the second chance we've been given - well, it really will be the end of McClown. Won't it?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Magic by Chez Guevara

OK, you'll like this. This is magic over the internet by yours truly...

First of all, I want you to pick one of the following cards. Don't click on it, just keep it in your head.

Right. Now I'm going to try to read your mind. Look into my eyes and think about your card for about 20 seconds...

OK... Now I have to think about whether I can guess your card with my magic hat....

I'm thinking, I'm thinking... Nope. The hat isn't helping. I'm going to have to think a lot harder...

Think, think, think

Yes, I think I've got it. The Great Chez Guevara will now remove your card.

Impressed? Now scroll up and do it again!

Husband of the Year Awards 2007

Hallowe'en Photos

Just downloaded this from my camera. Pictures of my dearly beloved at Hallowe'en, getting a piggyback from a ghost (as you do).

Surely that's cheating...

Regular readers of White Spirit will know that I sometimes have a beef with advertising. Things that really get my goat are false claims, like for example, claiming that a particular product will give your hair 85% more colour. Surely everything has got as much colour as it can possibly have? My hair will not get any more colour, no matter what I do; it might change from deeper or lighter shades, but it's not going to get more colour.

But what's really irritating me at the moment are the adverts for mascara. I know I'm never going to use them; but they show Kate Moss and various other models with these spider leg eyelashes. The product is meant to show that you can get lashes like that - but one advert says in tiny writing that they are using eyelash inserts and another advert says 'enhanced in post production'.

Am I the only one that batters an eyelid at this obvious cheating?

Monday, November 19, 2007

Celebrity Shenanigans

Saw these two magazines next to each other in my local newsagents and just thought it was quite funny. Is there a magazine for people that don't give a shit who dumped who?

Friday, November 16, 2007

Celebrity Cluedo

From time to time, I like to consider myself a bit of an inventor. Not perhaps in the Sir Joseph Swan* mould, but an inventor all the same. For example, only recently I had the idea of a bicycle helmet with ear flaps. You can't wear a hat when you're wearing a bicycle helmet and what are you supposed to do if your ears get cold? But I digress.

My new idea is Celebrity Cluedo. It's the same as regular Cluedo, but instead of Professor Plum and Miss Scarlet et al, you have celebrities in their place. Obviously you would need to change the methods and places - I can't think of any celebrity murders involving a candlestick, for example. But I think it could be quite fun.

Imagine, on Boxing Day, the family sits around the table for a good old game of Celebrity Cluedo. Who dunnit? Will it be Barrymore in the Swimming Pool with the dildo? Or perhaps Kate McCann in the bedroom with the sleeping tablets? Or maybe OJ Simpson in the hallway with the dagger? Or could it be Leslie Grantham in the car with the gun? Who knows? Maybe it will be Prince Phillip in the Parisian tunnel with the Fiat Uno?

I'm having problems with the last one. Best I can come up with is Lord Lucan with the blunt object in the study, but I'm sure that you, dear readers, can come up with someone in far worse taste.

* Sir Joseph Swan was the inventor of the lightbulb. No, it wasn't Thomas Edison, he stole the idea from Swan and took all the credit. Why should that matter? Well, Thomas Edison went on to set up General Electric, the second largest company in the world. And my girlfriend is Swan's great granddaughter. All that Swan has to show is that the University of Newcastle has just named a building after him. Frankly, I'd rather have had the cash.

Football Lookeylikey

Eng-er-land defender Joleon Lescott and Warf the Klingon from Star Trek.

Return of the Boosh

Just watched the first episode in the third series of the Mighty Boosh. And Shit was right, it was a bit darker and perhaps not as funny as the first two series. Could it be that I've been so excited about the new series, that it was never going to be as good? I have to say, I'm not sure about Naboo's shop as the setting - I feel it may be a little restrictive. But there were some episodes that I thought were not as good in the first two series, and perhaps this will turn out to be one of those...

It wasn't terrible; there were still a few moments that made me laugh, most notably the Moon:

"People say if you look at the Moon for too long, it sends you mad. Well, Patrick Moore has been looking at me for years, and yesterday I saw him take a shit on a salad."

It could be that they are victims of their own success. The first two series were so good, this series has been one of the most eagerly anticipated return that I can remember. Let's hope that it builds up and gets better and better. And I'm delighted to hear that Bob Fossil will be making a return this series.

The Mighty Boosh - Clips

For those that have never seen the Mighty Boosh, here are a couple of clips from the first series.

THE HITCHER (entire episode)


For those that receive the email update, click here to watch the videos.

"A Journey through Time and Space..."

I am so excited. Today (Friday) on BBC3 at 11:30 pm, The Mighty Boosh return for their much awaited third series. I am ever thankful to the venerable Shit Sandwich for introducing me to the Boosh. As I introduced him to It Bites and Sisters of Mercy, we're probably just about even.

I don't think I've seen a comedy as inventive as the Boosh, perhaps since Monty Python. The Boosh's surreal humour is often compared to Python, but the two are very different in many ways. The Mighty Boosh isn't really gag comedy - and there are not that many laugh out loud moments. But there's just an energy about it, that makes it simply irresistible.

For those that haven't seen the Boosh in action, I would thoroughly recommend watching it. The first episode I watched, I was slightly flummoxed; it took a couple of episodes to get onto their wavelength. But it's definitely worth it.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


A lottery scratchcard has been withdrawn from sale by Camelot - because players couldn't understand it. The Cool Cash game - launched on Monday - was taken out of shops yesterday after some players failed to grasp whether or not they had won. To qualify for a prize, users had to scratch away a window to reveal a temperature lower than the figure displayed on each card. As the game had a winter theme, the temperature was usually below freezing.

But the concept of comparing negative numbers proved too difficult for some Camelot received dozens of complaints on the first day from players who could not understand how, for example, -5 is higher than -6.

Tina Farrell, from Manchester, called Camelot after failing to win with several cards:

"I phoned Camelot and they fobbed me off with some story that -6 is higher - not lower - than -8 but I'm not having it"

Monday, November 12, 2007

More Great Graffiti

Following an old post on great graffiti, here is some more from the irrespressible Shit Sandwich.

A Joke about Morning Sex

She was in the kitchen preparing to make soft-boiled eggs for breakfast. As he walked in she turned to him and said, "I want you to make love to me this very moment."

His eyes lit up and he thought: 'This is my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the opportunity, he embraced her and then gave it his all, right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thank you darling" and returned to the cooker.

More than a little puzzled, he asked: "What was that all about?"

She replied: "The egg timer's broken."

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Sick as a Budgie

Just watched the Norwich - Ipswich match. Ipswich were 2-0 up at half time, but the match ended 2-2. Both teams had great chances, it was really end to end stuff. Both teams could have won, it really was a great match. But I'm still disappointed that we threw away a two goal lead, particularly against our local rivals. What do we have to do to win away from home?

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Thank Evans! It's Tractor the Future...

Great news coming out of Fortress Portman Road... It would appear that the mighty blues are in the process of being bought by reclusive billionaire Marcus Evans. Ipswich have been in real financial trouble for a number of years, ever since they got relegated from the Premier League a few years back. They've been in debt to the tune of about £30m, and the new deal (if it goes through) will not only wipe the debt in full, it will also bring in about £12m of new investment into the club.

The threat of administration has been very real for some time and it's the best news to come out of Portman Road for some considerable time. Marcus Evans himself is an extremely secretive individual - almost nothing is known about him. His firm runs all manner of things and he tried to buy the Mirror Group recently. Personally, I couldn't give a shit as to what he does - as long as he brings the glory days back to Portman Road, he could sell orphan and kitten pies to Al Qaeda.

Ipswich are currently sitting pretty 4th in the league, with a big game against local rivals Naaarwich on Sunday. Could this really be the season that we finally take our rightful place amongst the Premier elite? Who knows... Whatever happens, at least the immediate future of Ipswich has been secured. And that will do for me for now.

The End