Spot the Difference...

Nice bit of ethnic cleansing by the Sun last week, in this picture of Prince William and his crew during Royal Navy manoeuvres in the azure seas off Montserrat. First picture is what appeared in the London Metro. The second picture is what appeared in the Sun. Although if you look not very closely in the second picture, you can still clearly see the guys knees. Makes it look like the boat is VERY excited at having Wills on board.

You can take out the black man, but you can't take out his knees apparently.

Ugliest Ipswich Town fan on Facebook

Had a bit of a shocker when I went on the Those Were The Days Forum earlier today. Saw a link, saying 'is this the ugliest Ipswich Town fan on Facebook?'. Clicked on it, and was faced with a picture... of me.

















I mean, yes, I'm pulling a stupid face. But the UGLIEST? I mean, come on...

*** UPDATE ***
Have realised that the person who linked on the forum has worked out how to make it upload your OWN picture. Arse. Feel like a complete twat now.

Coming Back Soon...

Oh Lordi... It's Eurovision!

First event to take place for the 100 Club is going to be a EUROVISION SONG CONTEST PARTY, to take place on Sunday 25th May.

Sadly, I am going to a charity ball on the Saturday night, so it won't be live. But I will record it and run the party the following night. (Don't spoil it by watching it the night before - you will ruin the *ahem* magic).

There will be a sweepstake between all those that participate and whoever wins can add the total raised to their 100 Club target. All money raised goes to the Plymouth Samaritans.

Tickets to the sweepstake cost £5 each and there are 25 countries taking part this year. If we can find 25 people, each willing to pay to £5 to take part, that will raise £125. Your country will be chosen at random, from a hat.

If you are sadly unable to make the party, you can still take part - £5 buys you a sweepstake ticket!

Camper than Graham Norton in a tent, watching the annual Shirley Bassey impersonation competition on TV (held on a campsite), can you afford to miss Terry get progressively more drunk and raucous on (nearly) live TV? Can you afford to miss the German entry? Will the UK win (or get any votes)? Will Norway get 'null points' again? Will you manage to get through the night without biting off your own ears?

The party will take place at my house (please email / phone for details) just round the corner from the Thistle pub and will start at 7:30pm.

Bring your own drink - you'll probably need it. I will provide nibbles and ear plugs on request.

Please let me know ASAP as to whether you would like to attend / buy a sweepstake ticket.

AC Alittlesilhouetteofaman Results 2008

Regular readers of the White Spirit will know that I take part in a family Fantasy Football tournament each year. After a disappointing first season with Obi-Wan Kenobi Nil, I had high hopes for my boys this season.

And to be fair, after a rather ropey start, they did pull it together. Although sadly, I think the headstart I gave the leaders was too much to make up at the end, but a rather respectable 7th was not too bad at all. That's probably an Intertoto place, which I'm happy with. I am unofficially the Aston Villa of the Fantasy Football league.





















Next year will be different, oh yes. I'm going to break the stranglehold of my dad's reign of terror. Oh yes. Just you wait til next year - it's only a matter of time, bwa ha haha etc.

Oh, and it was good to see Tafkass just about scrape himself out of the relegation places this year in 20th place, one place below my 85-year old Gran and three places behind my mum, who wanted to pick Gary Lineker.

Football Predictions 2007 - Results.

In July 2007 I gave my annual predictions for the football season to come. And once again, it was a mixed bag of successful punditry for Chez. I predicted:

- Ipswich to finish top half of table, but to miss out on play-offs.
Correct, and it was a difficult season. Invincible at home, pile of shit away, at least we were consistent. But now we have a new owner, we'll be expecting a much better return next season. Playoffs will be a minimum, with automatic promotion the target.

- Sheff Utd, Cardiff & West Brom to be promoted.
1 out of 3. West Brom promoted as champs, but Sheff Utd and Cardiff missed out.

- Man U to retain the Premier League Championship, with Chelsea a close second, Liverpool 3rd and Spurs 4th.
Partly Correct. United did win with Chelsea a close second. However, Liverpool only made it to fourth and Tottenham didn't even make it into the top half of the table all season.

- Wigan, Birmingham and Derby to be relegated
2 out of 3 correct. Birmingham and Derby did go down, but Reading were the surprise package and went down instead.

- Inter to win Serie A, Juve 2nd, Meeelan 3rd
Looks like Inter are going to win the league, but Roma are the team hot on their tails. Juve are third and Meeeelan are currently languishing in fifth with one game to go.

- Barcelona to win la Liga, Madrid to finish 2nd or 3rd
Incorrect - Madrid have been great this year and Barca have struggled.

- an English team to win the Champions League, most likely Manchester United
Correct, but we'll see whether it's United on Wednesday.

- England to not qualify for Euro 2008, McClown to be sacked.
Correct. And I predicted that Capello would be made coach.

- Italy to win Euro 2008.
We shall wait and see.

So all in all, not a bad return.

Right:
- Ipswich finished top-half of the table, but just missed out on the play-offs.
- West Brom promoted to Premiership
- Man United won the Premier League
- Chelsea finished close second
- Birmingham & Derby relegated to Championship
- Inter won the Scudetto (although it was closer than it should have been)
- Meelan struggled with a lack of strikers
- England failed to qualify for Euro 2008
- Steve McClown got sacked
- Fabio Capello took over as England Manager.
- An English team to win the Champions League (I said probably United - we'll see on Wednesday)

Wrong:
- Sheff Utd and Cardiff did not get promoted to Premier League
- Liverpool came 4th, not 3rd; Spurs didn't make top 4
- Wigan did not get relegated
- Juve finished 3rd, not 2nd. Meelan did not finish 3rd.
- Madrid won the Spanish League, not Barca

To be Decided:
- Italy to win Euro 2008

In the main, I think that's more right than wrong so I'm happy with that. I will let you know my predictions for the new season in August. And maybe this time, I might actually put my money where my mouth is!

A Joke about Snoop Dogg Part 2

Apparently, Snoop Dogg has also decided to do an Austrian tour, fo' schnitzel.

Fuck My Hat! I Never Knew That!

I thought Soft Cell did the original. But apparently it was Gloria Jones in 1964.

It's a Knockout!

Roll up, roll up! Who fancies It's a Knockout? It's on the 12th July in Plymouth and is going to be supporting the Plymouth Samaritans. It's in teams of 10, so I'm looking for up to 50 people (well, 49 cos I'm doing it) to take part. It's going to be an amazing event and a hell of a lot of fun. If you fancy dressing up as a penguin or a giant king or some other such acid-fuelled madness, then drop me a line.

The only proviso is that you have to raise £100 sponsorship for the Samaritans. I can send you all the paperwork you need, including a sponsorship form etc. But it's for a great cause, and you'll have the best time you can have with clothes on.

Alternatively, if you don't want to take part, does anyone want to sponsor me? All donations gratefully received!

The 100 Club

www.hundredclub.co.uk

Supporting The Samaritans - Join The 100 Club!

As some of you may know, I'm a Samaritan volunteer in Plymouth. The Samaritans does an amazing job helping people that are feeling distressed or suicidal. But the branch is totally self-funded and relies 100% on fundraising to continue offering the essential support it offers to its callers.

However, the Plymouth branch of the Samaritans is currently operating at a loss, despite the fact that everybody in the branch is an unpaid volunteer. In fact, last year the branch as a whole brought in less than £20,000 for the entire year.

As a result of that, I've launched a fund raising initiative called The 100 Club. The aim of the Club is to get 100 or more members to each raise £100 for the Samaritans. I'm going to be arranging sponsored events during the year which you can take part in - or alternatively, you can fly solo and run your own thing.

Events I'm hoping to run this year include a Fancy Dress race / pub crawl, Bouncy Castle-a-thon, It's a Knockout!, Sponsored Swim, Sponsored Walk, Sponsored Slim and a Twister-a-thon.

Whatever you choose to do, if you raise £100 for the Samaritans, you're in! You become a bona fide member of The 100 Club. Members receive:
- Official 100 Club Certificate, stating how much you raised;
- Goodie bag of Samaritans stuff
- Free ticket to The 100 Club Annual Awards Ceremony.

The Annual Awards Ceremony will be a black tie event, held at a top venue in the South West and will be FREE to anyone that has raised the £100 needed to join The 100 Club.

More information can be found by going to www.hundredclub.co.uk. Alternatively, you can email me or ring me on 01752 253 950!

Thanks for your time!

Random Jokes

Two nuns in a bath
One says "where's the soap?"
The other says "it's just there on the soap dish behind you"


Q. How many people from Pakistan can you fit in a mini?
A. Four. Two in the front and two in the back. Unless you have a third seat belt in the back middle, in which case it's five.


Q. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A. The Holocaust.


Q. What is ET short for?
A. Because he has little legs.

A Joke about Snoop Dogg

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?












...Fo' Drizzle.

A Joke about Cemeteries

I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, "Morning."

He replied, "No, just having a shit."

Why I Love Wrestling

Great, great comedy from Italian wrestler, Santino Morella. His girlfriend Maria has been offered the chance to pose nude in Playboy; Here is his response.

Race for the Presidency

I watched WWE Raw last night, where all three Presidential candidates addressed the WWE fans as to why they should be the President in November. They all used various wrestling analogies, which was 'interesting'. But the real fun was to come later on in the programme, with a wrestling match between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

Hillary Clinton, accompanied by Bill, played Hulk Hogan and Barack Obama played 'The Rock', complete with "Can You Smell what Barack is Cooking?" It was very, very funny. And as ever, Bill stole the show with some very, very funny comments.

For those that missed it, here it is in its full glory.

Bastard Thing

Having problems with Blogger at the moment - they seem to be screwing up my images and text. So this is a test post just to see if I've managed to fix it. But just to make sure it's not too boring, here's a little cartoon.












Sorry for the drop in quality, or at least the additional drop in quality. Usual poor quality will be resumed as soon as possible.

UPDATE: Have sorted out the problems, something to do with a new WYSIWYG editor they'd put in without telling me. Have gone back to the old style editor and all the problems have gone.

Massaging the Truth

I wrote a couple of days ago about a report, stating that the influx of Eastern European immigrants had not led to a crime wave, which had been widely predicted in the nation's media. In the post, I wondered what the Di'ly Express and the Daily Heil would write about now. I needn't have worried.












...wails the front-page headline from the ever-reticent Di'ly Express. "Immigration from Eastern Europe has led to a huge surge in crime, police chiefs will tell the Home Secretary today".

Interesting. The Express claims to have seen an advance copy of the police report, which had revealed that in fact immigration has not increased the rates of crime in Britain. In fact the Express includes in its own article quotes from the co-author of the report, Chief Constable Peter Fahy, who had said: "Migration has had a significant impact on UK communities, but while this has led to new demands on the police service, the evidence does not support theories of a large-scale crime wave generated through migration."

But hey, what the hell would the Express do with facts like that? Their 'evidence' for their claims comes in the following 'damning' passage from the report:

"EU migration has brought with it a huge surge in the exploitation of migrants and organised crime."

So hang on chaps... What you're saying is that migrants have been taken advantage of by the indiginous population? Don't you feel proud to be British? As a measure of just how shameless the Express story is, The Heil only find room for their spin on things on page 12 of their esteemed journal.

Wrestling Lookeylikey

Wrestling legend and sometime filmstar The Rock and Doncaster's own Wayne Scott. Separated at birth? No, not reeeeeeaallly...

Which makes it all the more bizarre that Mr Scott has been charged with three counts of fraud for trying to obtain goods under false pretences by pretending to be The Rock.

Apparently, he contacted Everton Football Club and tried to get free tickets to the Everton - Manchester United game. He also contacted Manchester United and tried to get them to send him free stuff too.

Incredibly, his rouse failed as neither club had probably heard of T' Rock and he is now facing a probable prison sentence.

Urban Sniper

Been getting quite addicted to a game called Urban Sniper. Basically, you play a matchstick sniper, trying to take out various criminals etc. If you do feel like you just have to kill something, why not kill a matchstick man?