What you won't be aware of is her bravery. Bravery that she is herself far too modest to tell. Because, dear reader, Little Zoe is called 'Little Zoe' for a reason. On account of the fact that she was born with no legs. Instead, she was born with frog-like flippers.
Her parents did their best to camouflage her unique condition, as this photo shows:
Fortunately for her (but unfortunately for the UK Olympic swimming team), as she reached maturity, the flippers grew into proper legs and she is now more or less 'normal'. Although I haven't seen her in the much-hyped shorts, so there may still be tinges of green.
I just want to say "Little Zoe (or 'Frogger' as she is affectionately known within the family), you are an inspiration to us all.
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People, this comes from the man who sat drinking in a Conservative Club whilst wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt.
This also comes from the man who told me in a rather avuncular fashion, "Trust me - get a pair of marigolds and you'll never need a man again."
And this comes from the man who, at the tender age of thirteen, abused his sleeping grandfather with a golf ball in a sock.
What a bastard.
Point Nr 1... Just goes to show my devotion. That I will go to a Conservative Club to see you. But I wasn't going to go to a den of iniquity and give up my principles.
Point Nr 2... That comment did sound a lot better in my head. But it was a great comic moment. Particularly as the whole room suddenly went silent just before I said it.
I would just like to say that I was actually talking about opening jars. I may be from Suffolk, but even I wouldn't make such a lewd comment, especially not to my cousin, especially not in front of your mum, and especially not in front of mine. And your dad. And mine...
Point 3... Yes, I admit to abusing my grandfather with a golfball in a sock. But only because hitting him with a golfclub didn't work.
Little Zoe's hairdo was obviously inspirational - I'm guessing that Bono, Jim Kerr from Simple Minds and Chris Waddle were regular guests of yours during the late '80s...
I think there's certainly something of the Shirley Temple there.
Or perhaps Margaret Thatcher as a child. That would certainly explain the megalomania.
christ why did no one tell me my baby was swapped at birth? This explains why the little dear was never able to run properly. Fairy springs to mind. Don't forget to wish (little worm)( a long story) Zoe a happy birthday for the 25th.
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