Saturday, September 30, 2006

The product of seven cans of Red Bull

It's 3am and I've just got home from work but I'm still buzzing, so what better way to wind down than by submitting you all to my ramblings?

I've been thinking of ways to get my revenge on dear Chez for the flagrant misuse of the apostrophe. It actually causes me physical pain to look at it, but I can't work out how to change it. Bastard.

I was thinking of posting some embarrassing photograph, perhaps from his childhood, but then I was assured by his father that no photograph in the world could embarrass Chez. After all, we are talking about a man who has a picture of himself in full Rocky Horror regalia - stockings, suspenders, red panties, the works - and he's proud of it. And we won't go into the Miss World costume. People, we are dealing with a sick mind.

It might be rather more effective, in fact, if I were to exploit my newly-instated powers and turn the website pink. I could have lovely tinkly music playing, hundreds of irritating and bandwidth-guzzling animated gifs, and I could discuss feminist issues and all things menstrual. Do you think a little manic laughter would be appropriate here? I do.

Now that's done with, I suppose I'd better talk about something with a little more substance than mere family politics. I'm a masochist, in that I voluntarily give up my spare time to work with 30 of Satan's spawn, also known as Brownies. And I was informed today in my oh-so-riveting monthly Guiding publication that the last line of the infamous Everywhere We Go song (you must remember the one if you were ever involved in the movement) - "And if you can't hear us, you must be deaf," usually 'sung' at a volume approximately fifty decibels above the volume needed to make eyeballs bleed, is to be changed as it is offensive to deaf people. I can't even begin to comment on this travesty. Will the last person to leave Britain please turn out the lights?

1 comment:

Chez Guevara said...

Can't understand why it is offensive to deaf people. Why don't you just tell them you've changed it? They won't know. And make sure you tell all the brownies that you have to shout this line behind your hand, just in case any of the sneaky buggers are lip-reading. You can never a trust a deaf person. They can understand you even when you're whispering.